Don't you send me to vm
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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