Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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