So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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