I think I won the penis lottery.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
