So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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