My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
