you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
