Christians are straight up FREAKS
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize