Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize