his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
