Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You're like the curious george of whores
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
