peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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