Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
