You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
