i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
