You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you win again, gameday.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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