just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My bed smells like the plague
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