I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
