sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You can't motorboat a personality
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
