that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
