hotel room ftw
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
