i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
