We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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