hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i will never coherently bang her
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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