Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
