Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
