I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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