I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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