This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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