the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
