I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
