this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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