i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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