We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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