this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
