just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
