took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
