i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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