Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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