Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
