Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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