apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
did i walk over a car last night?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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