wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
