i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
