Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
