Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
