dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
