Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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