this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
