Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
