I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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