just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
