So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I think I won the penis lottery.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
