Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
