I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
