she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
