im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
