True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
