the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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