the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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