Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
