i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
