I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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