I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
