is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
They took my balls.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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