it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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