it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
