my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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