So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
My ATM looks so different sober.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
