so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
