tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
