and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
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