I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize