I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
