he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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