I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
