why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
