Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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