I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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