dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
