Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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