great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize