My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
